Alaa Fakhreddine, the space's young creative director, nails down the vibe in a sentence. "I'm obsessed with Diana Vreeland," he says. "If she were still alive and came in at night, she would love this place." said Kurt in May 2018's Vanity Fair. But wait a second not in a million years would I've imagined myself sitting in rehab at age 38, in England, fulfilling my dream of applying to the holy grail. I mean how could i tell my 10-year-old self that he'd feel hopeless as he's nearing 40? See, I painted my pain and shame away, I did my own art therapy then. I forgot about my happy childhood; happy it was even though it wasn't. Go ask Alice, when she's 10 feet tall. Like most good gay sons, my obsession with fashion started with her. One night watching her transform in seconds from abused housewife into goddess was a true marvel. I remember her otherworldly Montana white organza shirt with black enamel buttons, gorgeous. She then started talking and walking differently. Boom, i got it. I still don't know why I was so intellectual for a boy my age, more so than now. I mean what was going through my head when I picked up "Les fleurs du mal" at the library? I believe it was the cover art. Yes, the most beautifully depressing painted roses, a kind of nature morte, très morte. But I found comfort in melancholy, almost numbing. When i heard Dalida sing "On dit de moi que certains soirs je joue Sarah Bernhardt" I made it my mission to learn about the divine (don't get jealous La Callas). Hence my obsession with great women, every time I find one, I live my Louis de Bavière dreams where I imagine myself dressing them (sometimes having full convos, note to therapist) I do remember copying Impressionist masterpieces to my best ability, specifically Renoir's portrait of Sarah. Mostly, I do remember sketching gowns, I don't remember any though. She once told me that Gianfranco Ferré studied architecture and since then I got fixated on seeing the architectural lines in his work, can we also agree that he was underrated for his designs at Dior? Meanwhile Maria Grazia (yawn), can you stop altering the Junoon dress? When Ms Habis walked in with Parsley in her chignon, they all laughed but I thought It was the coolest thing since French fries, or Maria would go with her mom to Singapore and comes back wearing "garbage bags" as they would say. She blew me away, you're talking 90's in Tripoli, centuries behind. The point is I admired the courage fashion gives women. Fast forward, I move to New York, go to Pratt, end up working at Harper's Bazaar, less than what I expected to my disappointment however I learnt about Ms Vreeland. That is the one thing I don't regret working in publishing for. Then at T&C I learnt about Capote and his Swans, Ms Astor and the Vanderbilts, and I eventually ended up designing a successful club where I got to meet Lee Radziwill. The other place I designed winded up in "just like that'. Not too shabby for a kid who dropped out of Architecture school. I at last was Mr popular, yet so empty and self loathing, dark, many rock bottoms. I saw Lee's exhibition a the MET, I was mesmerized but not until recently that i could see his pain, all I imagined was getting my hands on a piece and dissect it stitch by stitch, layer by layer, just as much as I have the need to dissect my own life. I never understood why a successful designer like Margiela keeps his identity private? Isn't the whole point fame and glory? Did I miss something? Ah! Humility, that's what rock bottom teaches you. That is what i lacked for this subject. On a final note, I truly hope I can put my mental library and ideas to use in fashion, make them, and myself proud. I truly feel it in my bones that I am ready now and I can excel. See my dear reader, I am a dreamer, in the land of Shakespeare at the moment and would like to believe that "All's well that ends well".